I've been trying to find a way for the terror and the beauty to live together in one song. I know it's possible.

President Creates Cabinet-Level Position To Coordinate Scandals

I'm in a regular poker game. The guys in the poker crew are heavy hitters, and this is the record of how I've done.

(Editor's Note: Yeah, this Poker Report is from events that took place five months ago, but you try living my life. Exactly. That's what I thought.)

The 10 most outrageous civil liberties violations of 2006.

Can I get that with extra donkey?

But my life isn't all about shiftlessness and dissipation (only, like, ninety percent).

I'm not even joking.

The president departs tomorrow for Bulgaria.